I was at my mother’s apartment yesterday
and she showed me a Valentines card
that I had written for her when I was 5 years old.
As I stared at the scrawling handwriting I could feel
the heart and mind of that little 5 year old Vivek.
I was silent for 5 minutes just staring at that card,
running my hands over the letters and imagining the little boy writing them.
I Could Feel His Yearning
I could feel his pain, his sadness and loneliness.
I could feel his yearning to be understood and accepted.
I could feel the self-awareness he had
that was never validated, or perhaps rarely validated.
It was a quiet and meditative moment for me.
I have seen many pictures of myself from that age and younger,
but actually seeing my handwriting had a very different effect on me.
It was almost as if I could remember being in that little body and writing those words.
A Chance For Some Healing
It was very painful, but in a way it was also very healing.
It was like I had a chance to reach back through the years
and hug that little fella.
He needed so much more love than he was given
and he is still feeling the pain of it inside.
I am still feeling the pain of it inside.
Sometimes I hesitate to write these things because I know that my mother is going to read them.
I know it hurts her to read these recollections of mine,
and I also know that there is the potential for her and I both to do some healing
and hopefully other people might be helped by these words as well.
Giving Little Vivek Some Love
Since the moment of seeing the little Vivek’s handwriting
and feeling the ache he felt inside,
I have been doing my best to give him a little extra love every day.
I am trying to let him know that he is loved like he has always wanted to be.
I am trying to convince him that he is a truly wonderful person deserving of greatness.
I want him to feel that I am always with him,
that I really believe in him, that I see him for who he is.
I want him to know that I can feel his love
and I am deeply moved by his intelligence and creativity.
The Memories Are Stored In My Cells
As I am doing this I am also giving myself some loving touch
I am massaging my shoulders and arms and chest and back.
I can actually feel the memories stored in my cells.
This awareness is bringing me a new level of healing and integration.
All because I reconnected to myself at 5 years old.
I’ve been making the effort to stay connected to him,
giving him love and compassion.
Do You Have A Child Within Who Needs Some Love?
I share this with you because I am guessing that it is very likely
you also have a young version of yourself
who is aching for some love and attention.
I believe we seek the fulfillment of that love in many ways throughout our lives.
In our work, in our relationships, in our hobbies and even in how we raise our children.
As long as there is a part of us seeking this inner fulfillment we lacked in childhood
we can never be fully present or authentic with what we are experiencing in the moment.
Will You Join Me In Sending Love Back Through Time
To the little ones we used to be?
Let them feel it deep
So deep that they never need to seek it outside themselves.
They will know that they are loved
From the inside out.
I love you little Vivek.
You are perfect just as you are
And I love you completely.