I watched an episode of Heroes today with my daughter.
At one point the main character had just found out his
20 something daughter had died.
He was at her bedside and lamenting that they had
wasted so much time fighting.
“Why did we fight and stay separate for so many years?”
This moment touched me very deeply
because this sentiment is a major part of
the parenting philosophy that I have adopted
and that I share with people.
It’s So Easy To Waste Time
We have such a short time on this earth
and only a small portion of that we get to be with our kids.
it seems to me such a waste to spend that time
fighting and disconnected.
That is why I have concentrated on deepening
my relationship with my daughter
above all practical concerns.
Making The Deeper Choice
Anytime there was a choice between something like
obedience, responsibility, respect
or any of the other traditional parenting focuses
and bonding and connecting with my daughter
I always chose the latter.
Increasing the feeling of trust, love, joy and friendship
has been my priority for I knew that I would regret
doing anything else later on.
My Friendship With My Daughter Is Priceless To Me
When I interact with my kid now that she’s over 18
and the feeling between us is so comfortable and natural
I feel blessed beyond belief.
Blessed that I had the insight of focussing on relationship.
Blessed that I had the strength to fight
the traditional parenting mindset
that was in me from my own past.
And blessed that no matter how many times I failed,
how many times I messed up,
I kept reaffirming my priority on connecting with my daughter.
Switch Your Focus To Deepening Your Relationship
When you interact with your child today
(or really anyone you’re close to)
see if you can switch your focus from
the dealing with the behaviour in the moment
to the deepening of connection,
building of trust
and expressing compassion and understanding.
It Takes Effort To Change Your Habitual Priorities
It can feel like a loss of power and control,
but the benefit you will receive is far beyond any
In fact when you make this different choice
you will feel deeply empowered.
It Feels So Damn Good
This switch of focus will feel so good to you
and it will surprise your kids!
Doing this consistently will increase the harmony in your home
and create a deeper relationship with your children
that will last a lifetime.
When your kids are older and
you look back on your time together
you will experience a deep satisfaction.
You will feel like you maximized the
of every moment.