Discipline and Punishment are Opposite
Discipline Inspires someone to care about others.
This care is where natural good behaviour arises from.
Punishment makes a person afraid of pain.
This feeling inspires a person to think of how to avoid pain for themselves,
it does not teach them to think of others.
Manipulative behaviour is the result of this feeling.
Discipline Brings Joy
Anytime I’ve disciplined my kid it makes her happier,
it makes her feel more loved.
She feels my unconditional love
and my total support of her
AND she learns a lesson at the same time.
She does not need pain to learn because she trusts me.
She trusts me because I’ve never intentionally caused her pain
(which at its most basic form is what all punishments are)
I did not need to frighten her into compliance
because I believed she was a naturally a good person.
Therefore I chose to inspire rather than control.
Intentionally Causing Pain is Not Love
And often people will respond to these ideas saying
that their kids aren’t frightened of them,
that they’re in fact very close and
have a loving relationship with them.
That may well be true, but if you give a consequence like
withdrawing a privilege of some sort,
the only reason that works
(well it doesn’t work, but the reason we think it works)
is because it causes some sort of pain.
If it caused joy it wouldn’t be a punishment.
If someone who is supposed to LOVE you
Chooses to intentionally cause you PAIN
When it was very much in their power to bring you JOY instead,
Can you ever truly TRUST that person?
Trust is eroded with every punishment,
every consequence, yelling and criticism.
Only consistent and unwavering love and support
can create the solid foundation of self-love
and self-esteem that will carry our kids
through the storms of life.