I Choose To Celebrate – Ending My Fast
Encouraged to Write
Just a little over 1 year ago my dear friend Zahra
pleaded with me to start writing this blog.
I was talking about how I wanted
the website to look right,
to have all the sections that it needed,
to have good graphics
and a nice layout.
She very wisely informed me that
I would never get all that done
and I should just start throwing up content.
That is what I did.
I found the simplest layout and just started writing.
Bargaining With My Consciousness
I remember originally I had thought
I would write every day for a month
and see how it goes.
As soon as I thought of a month
I got a little sick feeling inside
and realized I was being a wimp.
So I then thought,
how about 3 months?
I got that same stabbing recrimination in my gut
and knew that I had to push even further.
Listening to My Intuition
I am fortunate that over the years
I have developed the ability
to listen clearly to my inner voice,
and it was clearly telling me 3 months
was nowhere near enough.
Then I tried 6 and that number was shot down again.
I knew what I had to do.
I didn’t want to,
but it seemed that didn’t have a choice.
Preparing Myself For the Truth
I took a deep breath,
shook out my shoulders
Immediately I felt a sense of rightness
wash over me and I knew that was it.
I was committing to write a blog post
every day for 365 days.
It seemed like a crazy number.
I wondered how I would get through the year.
And yet here I am writing my 365th post,
never having missed a day.
It really is quite a relief!
How I End My Fast
Approximately once a month I do a day long fast.
It is a Vedic tradition that suggests
fasting from sunrise to sunset.
After the first couple hours
I can feel the hunger in my belly.
Two or three hours later it’s grumbling and mumbling,
reminding me that my body wants some food.
There is a period in the afternoon
where I lose energy, get really tired
and my breath smells.
Looking Forward to the End
It is around this time that
I google exactly when sunset is.
The worst is in the summer when the days are long.
Sometimes sunset isn’t until after 8 p.m.
I look up what time sunset is
and set an alarm on my clock for
5 minutes before.
When the alarm goes off I head to the kitchen
and start preparing a plate of food.
At This Point I’m Watching The Clock With Anticipation
As it gets closer to sunset
my mouth starts to water and
there is a symphony playing in my stomach.
I start to count down the last 10 seconds
picking up my fork and spoon
ready to shovel some Dahl and rice
into my waiting mouth.
Finally it’s time to eat.
At this moment I push the plate of food away
and wait one more hour.
Sending a Clear Message
It is my way of telling my body and mind
that I am in charge.
That I can make my own choices and
I do not have to bend to the will of my desires.
I Often Enjoy Bending To The Will Of My Desires
In fact some of the best moments of my life
have come from bending to the will of my desires.
The key here is I want it to be a choice
Ending my fast this way is a good method
of sending a message to my mind and body
that they are not controlling me.
I am NOT the body-mind
I am the consciousness within the body,
I am The Thinker of the thoughts,
I am NOT the body,
I am NOT the mind.
My body-mind is the paintbrush I use
to create the living work of art that is my life.
I honor the body-mind,
I love the body-mind,
but I make sure to always remind myself that
I am NOT the body-mind.
Anxious to be Free
In a similar way to ending my fast
I have been looking forward to writing this 365th blog post
and being free from daily writing.
Over the past year the midnight deadline
has loomed heavy over my mind.
There have been many times I have forgotten
to write my blog until 11:30 pm and suddenly
had to rush home and whip something off.
My family often makes fun of me as I
burst through the door yelling
“Don’t talk to me, I have to write my blog!”
Interesting enough sometimes the ones I have
written in a panic have been
very raw and authentic.
Nonetheless, not being bound by this
midnight deadline everyday
has been something I’ve been
looking forward to for a while now.
My plan has been to start writing
approximately two blogs a week after the year was up.
I Recognized This Feeling
Recently as I was feeling this desire for the year to end
I realized it was a very similar feeling
to when I want the fast to end.
I knew in that moment that I would
need to do the same thing that I do with the fast.
So I have decided to extend my writing every day by one week.
Instead of 365 in a row
it is going to be 372.
This feels good.
This feels right.
This feels like I am truly honoring
the effort and the journey of the last year.
Invite You To Try This With Me At Some Point
When you are doing something that is challenging
and find yourself free of it,
make the choice to do it a little longer.
Just a few more times.
So that you give yourself the message
that you can choose.
Choice Is Power
So much of self-development and conscious parenting
is about engaging our power of choice
when it is most difficult to do so.
When our habits have us by the throat,
when our desires are overpowering us,
when our trauma triggers us and we react,
this is when we have a great opportunity
to make a different choice.
A new choice can develop into a new habit.
A habit that we have created ourselves
rather than the ones that were
imposed upon us from the day we were born.
This is part of the process of becoming a Free Human Being
Free to think,
free to feel and
free to act
in any way we so choose.
I Choose To Celebrate
I am now going to order a
gluten free vegetarian pizza with extra cheese
in order to celebrate the achievement
of writing this blog for a full year.
I may be putting off the end of daily writing,
but I’m NOT going to put off the pizza!
10 thoughts on “I Choose To Celebrate – Ending My Fast”
“My body-mind is the paintbrush I use
to create the living work of art that is my life.” Love it!!!!!!!!!!!
It has been an absolute joy to read your blogs. I have learnt, I have grown, I have argued, and I have agreed with all that you have to say! But mostly I have LOVED every moment of watching how magnificent your heart is.
Obviously “Your body-mind is the magnificent paintbrush, creating incredible works of art!”
Thank you Shivani.
I’m really thanking you for a lifetime of love and support.
You have always been there for me.
I love you!
What a wonderful way to ‘end’ this part of the journey! I have enjoyed reading your blogs every day for the past year and I am glad that I will be able to continue for a little while longer. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. It has been a deeply touching and inspiring experience for me 🙂
Thank you Puja my dear friend.
I appreciate hearing that my writing has affected you.
Knowing that you’ve been reading them daily has added to my inspiration!
The journey is just beginning.
I laughed out loud when I read about your extending your fast for an additional hour. I felt very empowered, reading your affirmations that you are not your mind or your body. I’m enriched by your writing. Thank you.
Scott my brother,
your friendship is an ever shining light in my life.
I love knowing that you’re out there reading my posts!
I’ll be seeing you a just a couple weeks.
You are a very strong and inspiring person. Keep doing what you do and thanks for the knowledge.
Thank you Caleb.
It’s good to know people are out there reading!
What a marvelous sharing!
I love hearing the drama and story behind it all….I can see it like a good movie.
I, too, have been nourished by reading your blog every day, being inspired and also getting to know you more. What stories you have!
What I love the most is the Walmart or check out line stories, and how often you turn ordinary encounters into moments where you can being more love into someone’s life.
I think those are my favourite too.
It’s always a joy when those opportunities arise.
I am so grateful for your comments and reflections over the past year.
It has helped me to stay motivated and inspired.