Family Habit Patterns
Very often families will develop certain behavior and interaction patterns.
These patterns can become deeply entrenched.
After only a few years they can seem almost irreversible.
Many of these patterns are negative in nature.
They involve defensiveness, arguing, yelling
and create distance between the people involved.
Change Requires Effort
In order to change these patterns
a lot of consciousness and effort is required.
All members of the family community
must engage in working towards
changing themselves and their environment.
Parents and Children have Different Responsibilities
The thing is though that the adults in the family have
a different kind of responsibility for change than the children do.
As the – supposedly and hopefully – more emotionally mature people
we can choose to make profound changes in our selves.
Identify Habits and Triggers
If we can identify our habits and triggers
that are contributing to disharmony in the family,
we can take steps to change them.
Children have a different relationship to their emotions
Our kids, however may not be able to do this
simply with an act of will.
They are not yet able to separate
their behavior, feelings and perceptions
from who they are.
This objectivity is something that we develop as we grow.
It is necessary to be able to observe oneself from afar
in order to see what needs to be changed and act upon it.
Children Need To Be Inspired
This does not mean our children cannot change,
but it does mean that their change must be inspired.
This happens by how we treat them
and by the example we set.
This is how children learn best.
From how they are treated
and the model they witness.
If we can endeavor to create a positive inner and external environment for our children they will behave accordingly.
Expectations Cause Frustration
A lot of frustration occurs
when parents expect their kids to change their behavior
based on being told to do so.
This rarely ever works.
Work From The Inside Out
It is necessary to work from the inside out
when trying to create change in our children.
This means that a long term view will be necessary
because changing from the inside out is a long process.
The wonderful thing though is once you start taking this approach
you will find that positive results will happen almost right away.
Certainly trying to coerce and control our children into changing
usually creates defensiveness and rebellion.
Deciding to Change Behaviour Patterns
So if you find that you have noticed some
behavior patterns in your family that you wish to change
take the long term approach.
Look inside yourself at what needs to change
look into your children and see what needs to change
and then work on inspiring
and modeling that change.
You will be most gratified at how wonderful the results of process can be.
