I was driving on my way to teach my martial arts class and waiting to make a left turn at a traffic light. There was a car in front of me also turning left. When the light went red he made his turn and I decided to follow him through. I was running late for my class and didn’t want my students to be waiting for me. I felt rushed and so I went through the light.
As soon as I turned the corner I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rear-view mirror.
All I could think was I really don’t want to pay a $350 ticket
nor have points on my license.
A Very Polite Interrogation
When the cop came over he asked me if I knew why he had stopped me.
I said yes and before I could say more he said
“You were waiting at the light and you were behind the line when the light turned red.
You could have stopped but instead you went through.
That is not safe.”
“You are correct sir it isn’t safe.
I was feeling rushed and went through anyway.
I apologize for doing so.
I shouldn’t have done it.”
I told him I was late for my class and was concerned for my students. I did my best to be as polite and cooperative as possible and handed him my license, insurance and registration.
Praying for Redemption
He went back to his car and spent 15 minutes looking me up on the computer and talking to his partner. All I could do at that point was pray to the ‘traffic court God and Goddess’ to get me off.
I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time
and I also recognize that I had brought this on myself.
I decided to accept whatever fate was about to be handed to me.
The fact is I really wasn’t in so much of a rush
that I couldn’t have waited the three or four minutes
for the light to change and turn green again.
The rushing wasn’t actually a life or death situation,
the rushing was in my mind.
The Rushing Was In My Mind
When I reflect on that moment,
the exact moment when I made the decision to go through the light,
I was not accepting the situation as it was.
I felt I needed to push and expend effort
rather than go with the flow.
The effort was not from a place of determination or persistence,
but a place of tension and hurry.
I remember when I was young my uncle telling me
when he went to see the doctor many years ago he told him that
there were three simple rules he needed to follow for him to have a healthy heart.
and no curry.
I am certainly not giving up the curry,
but it could be useful to me to let go of
my worry and my hurry.
Acting From Tension And Fear Is Counter Productive
The fact is by rushing the way I did I ended up being 20 minutes later
than I would have if I had simply relaxed when the light changed and held my ground.
It makes me wonder how many other places in my life I cause myself similar problems.
Where else am I acting from a place of tension, fear and hurry?
Where else am I not accepting the moment?
There is a natural process leading me towards my goal,
towards the realization of my vision for my life.
I know I do many things to sabotage it.
In these moments I actually make choices that push me further from my goal
and act counter-productive to my desires.
Trust in the Divine Process… Even at a Traffic Light
Instead of pushing through that traffic light if I had sat still and waited in peace
who knows what would have happened.
I want to learn to be more trusting of process of my life.
I do believe the Divine is leading me and the guiding me.
I don’t always trust that fact.
After about 15 minutes the cop came back to my car and gave me a written warning.
He gave me a well-deserved lecture on why what I did was dangerous.
So I didn’t have to pay a fine nor get any points on my license. I told the officer I am definitely not going to do that again and I meant it. I took it as a message of a needed change.
I Don’t Want To Live From Tension And Fear
I realize part of the reason I won’t do this again is for safety,
part of the reason is because I don’t want a ticket.
The main reason is because I don’t want to live my life
from this place of tension and fear.
Today all day I have taken every opportunity to slow down.
I have observed my tendency to rush through.
When I noticed it I took a breath, relaxed my muscles and slowed down.
Love is the Only Healing Power
I also gave myself love for it.
When I am dealing with areas in my life that come from pain
I always try and give myself some love
because love truly is the only healing power.
I am sure this tendency to rush comes from some experiences in my past
that need healing and this is part of that process.
I will say that doing so today has made this day a very pleasant one.
It always makes me happy when I can see some positive change in my life
and this certainly feels like that.
Where Do You Rush And Operate From Tension And Pain?
I wonder, can you see any places in your own life where you also rush,
push and hurry where perhaps you don’t need to?
Can you see any choices you make made from tension and fear
that have a counterproductive effect in your life?
Perhaps you can join me in taking that breath giving, yourself love
and making a new choice from a new place?