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The Past Tries To Control Me, The Future Tries To Scare Me!

kacem (1)
At the moment I am in Poughkeepsie New York.
I am attending a martial arts seminar with my teacher Kacem Zoughari.
He is one of the best martial artists in the world.

I first met him in 2006 and my life has never been the same.
In fact I learned more from him in the first year I met him then I did in the previous 20!

I see him approximately two or three times a year, sometimes less.
I learn many things from him in these brief visits and then I must spend the intervening months practicing what I learned.

I also get very nervous in advance of seeing him.
I am usually quite terrified but I will not have practiced enough and he will be disappointed in my movement.

This time in particular I have put myself through a lot of stress in anticipation of experiencing his disapproval.
Of course the reason I am going to him is not for his approval but my education.
And yet the fear persists.

Once I actually arrived here I have had the most wonderful weekend.
Kacem has given me many corrections,
but he’s being extremely nice to me and I have experienced nothing but kindness and love from the man.

All of my fears were in my head and not directly reflective of reality.

Oh man how I torture myself!
It seems I do not really need anyone else to torture me,
I do a pretty good job of it all on my own.

As I am fond of saying
“The past tries to control us,
the future tries to scare us
Only in the present
do we have power and choice.”

Will I learn this lesson?
Or will I freak out again the next time I’m getting ready to see my teacher?
I’ll probably freak out!

Maybe I’ll put a reminder in my phone to read this post in early October a few weeks before the next seminar.

Sigh… Change is a slow and painful process.
At least I can laugh at myself.
It makes the journey a little easier.

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