I continue to be saddened by the number of people
who think that spanking is an acceptable
and even effective method of raising a child.
I suggest trying to explain the concept to your child first.
It would have to go something like this…
“My dear sweet child.
When someone does something that you think is inappropriate
and you want them to change that behaviour,
one very effective method is to cause them physical pain.
Hurt them enough that they will be afraid to ever do the behaviour again.
It’s not important that they understand, only that they obey.
I am now going to cause you physical pain as a punishment for what you have done.
I want you to be afraid that I’ll do it again.
I WILL do it again if you behave how you want to behave
instead of how I want you to behave.
I am going to hit you so that you fear me
(or at least fear what I will do to you,
though at your age I’m not sure if you can differentiate between the two)
and from now on will listen to me.
Remember this method for controlling people…
If they don’t listen to you, and if you believe they should, you can hit them.”
If you cannot say this to your child you should not hit them.
There is a version of this speech that works for punishment as well.
“”My dear sweet child. When someone does something that you think is inappropriate and you want them to change that behaviour, one very effective method is to cause them emotional pain.” – You can fill in the rest!
Isn’t it always better to work with your child
to help them learn and grow
in an atmosphere of love and freedom
rather than manipulate and control them
with fear and pain?
There is another thing that some parents use on their child as they are hitting or punishing their child is guilt – I remember being told “this hurts me more than it hurts you”
And I believed it.
It’s so true.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Guilt can be paralyzing.
How do you deal with its effects now?
You asked this question a long time ago and i just noticed it.
I am glad you asked ”how DO you deal with it and not how DID you deal with it?”
All these years later it is still an on-going battle, I still have to remind myself on a daily basis that I am not a bad person. I also helped myself by trying very hard to not make my children go through the same or similar guilt.
it also helps that I feel gratitude towards the people for teaching me “what not to do”.
That is wonderful.
Emotions linger for a long time.
I’m glad you’re still working on them
and learning to love and accept yourself more.
<3