Being a dad is a very challenging experience.
In order to be the kind of father that I wanted
I have had to wrestle with many demons.
There are so many programs inside me that try and control my choices.
In order for me to make my own truly conscious choices,
I have to fight every one of them on a daily basis.
Everyday I wake up and my mantra is
“Vivek, try and be a little less of an asshole today
than you were yesterday.”
If I can accomplish that then I have had a successful day!
Perhaps we should call Father’s Day demon wrestlers day!
Being a good dad has also required me to balance
my masculine and feminine sides within.
I believe this is true regardless of whether you have a boy or a girl or both,
balancing our inner energies has a profound effect
on the role model that we are for our children.
Perhaps we could rename Father’s Day to gender balancing day!
Stand By Your Principles
Many years ago when I decided to parent in a way that was different from the norm
I faced a lot of opposition from family and friends.
Many people told me I would spoil my daughter,
that she would become entitled and selfish because I said yes all the time.
They thought she would have lacked confidence
because I did not get into conflicts with her.
They thought that she would rebel the first chance she got
because no teenager is actually friends with their parents.
Yet in my heart I knew that positive, collaborative, friendship based parenting
was a step forward from the traditional model.
I knew in my heart that this was how I wanted to be as a father.
Courage and Confidence
And so I had to have the courage and confidence to face my family
and not give in to their pressure.
I had to have the courage and confidence to not give in
to the pressures from friends who wanted me to parent in a harsher way.
Sticking to my principles has been challenging at times,
but the rewards have been worth it.
My daughter is generous and loving,
she is kind and confident,
and we are the best of friends.
Perhaps we should rename father’s day courage and confidence day
Being a Positive, Powerful, Conscious Father
It seems there are many ingredients that go into
being a positive, powerful, conscious father.
I have only scratched the surface in this post of what my own experience has been.
And I know my journey is far from over.
I honestly wish I knew then when my daughter was very young what I know now.
I certainly made a lot of mistakes in those early years
and would very much like the opportunity to change them.
As this is not possible I can only be the best father I can in this moment
and try and share the message of what I’ve learned
through working at being a conscious parent over the past 20 years or so.
Being a father has been the most challenging and the most rewarding
experience of my life and I’m grateful for every moment.