The Quality Of The Yes
Saying YES in parenting is so powerful and significantly underused.
I’ve always suggested 10 yeses for every no, but I actually believe the effective ratio to be far greater.
How much joy can be generated by saying yes to a small thing?
I have learned that the feeling behind the yes,
the quality of the yes
has an profound effect as well.
Kids can feel what is going on behind the scenes with us.
They know what is in our hearts.
A Deep Lesson In Getting a Sub
My kid asked me if we could get a sub this week.
I answered “Yes my love, of course we can. will be my pleasure and joy to go get a sub with you!”
This made her positively BEAM with joy!
Reflecting, I realized that she could feel
that my yes was as much of a gift for me as it was for her.
That my joy was intimately tied in with her joy.
The absolute pleasure I took in giving her what she desired
Transmitted a message of worth and love directly into her heart.
Make Your Kids Feel Honoured, Special And Loved
If I had just said “sure”, she would have still been happy,
but because I put real attention and love into
the vibration behind the yes
she felt honoured, special and loved!!
It’s not always easy to say yes, but it’s worth the effort.
And it’s double effort to put deep feeling into our words
When you can feel how moved your kids are when
you consciously infuse your communication with love, acceptance
and celebration of who they are
The inner rewards you will experience are priceless.
I’m finding that I might be saying yes to much as I feel I’m being taken advantage of. I’m struggling as a single parent and feeling like I’m trying to over compensate. 🙁
Thank you for your comment friend.
I’m sure it’s very difficult being a single parent.
Life can be so busy and full of challenges!
I agree that saying YES in order to overcompensate for feeling bad about other things isn’t always the best strategy.
In my view of things though, the key isn’t to say YES less, it’s to say YES from a stronger place.
It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a lot and at the same time you’re being the most loving parent you can.
Give yourself some credit for the effort and work you’re doing.
Even the feeling of over compensating is coming from wanting to be loving!
Saying YES from a stronger place means
1) Loving yourself
2) Accepting yourself
3) Forgiving yourself
And then say YES!
Then it will be because you want to be positive and building connections with your child.
Not because you’re trying to make up for something you feel is lacking.
Here are a couple articles that may help with what you’re going through.
I wrote this one a while back that explains a bit more about saying YES.
http://www.meaningfulideas.com/an-unreasonable-yes/
This one is about giving kids the freedom to think their own thoughts.
http://www.meaningfulideas.com/encourage-kids-to-express-their-opinions
and this one is about how we affect our kids self-image by how we perceive them and treat them.
http://www.meaningfulideas.com/you-are-unconditionally-worthy-mistakes-flaws-and-all
If you want to ask about a specific situation or incident I can give you more direct feedback.
Feel free to respond to this message after reading these articles and let me know what you think.