We Can Choose To Change
Kids can be a handful. I know this believe me!
Life is busy, full of stress and challenges.
Even the nicest of us can lose our cool and get angry at times.
This does not make us evil
It does not make us bad parents
It just means we’re human.
The great thing is that being human also means
we can work on ourselves consciously.
We can choose to change.
Here are a few ideas of things you can do to get angry less
and be a more peaceful parent.
Give Love, Patience and Kindness – To Yourself!
1) I find that it really helps to be loving, patient and kind with myself as I make mistakes
and go through the process of learning.
I make mistakes every day.
If I’m harsh with myself every time I do so,
well that’s a lot of harshness.
If I want to inspire myself to yell less and love more
then harshness isn’t the most effect way to accomplish that.
When we recognize that we need to change it is a huge step.
The actual process of change can take time so patience is necessary.
The essence of patience is love so being loving to ourselves is necessary.
Review the Day
2) Every night when I go to bed I run through all my interactions with my daughter.
I think about the things I did well and the things I’d like to change.
The great thing is that if I’m paying attention
There are always things I’ve done well
And always things that I’d like to change.
Then the next day I look for opportunities to make the changes that I thought about the day before.
My kid is 18 and I still do this every day.
When I look back over the years
I can see how much I’ve changed.
I didn’t want to keep repeating my mistakes over and over.
I want my parenting to keep evolving.
So I took up this practice.
It can take a while to change, but you can do it.
Just keep at it day by day.
Healing Our Own Inner Wounds
3) A large part of our development as parents
comes from healing our own inner wounds.
One of the main reasons we yell, lose our tempers
or get frustrated and angry is because
we’re reacting to trauma in our own lives, in our past.
We all have this inner pain and it leaks out into our relationships
and every part of our lives.
So anything you can do to work on healing yourself
will automatically result in healing between you and your kids.
There are many ways to heal oneself, from counselling/psychotherapy to homeopathy to meditation (I love meditation) to naturopathic medicine or TCM, the list goes on, reiki, shiatsu, talking with friends about your past… You get the idea.
Different things work for different people. But as long as you’re on a self-healing path you’ll find that every bit of healing you accomplish will bring you more peace and bring more peace to your family.
Highly Effective Anger Management Strategy
4) This might be one of the most important tools I use to deal with my anger.
RUN!!
When I get upset I just get the hell out of the room as quick as I can and scream into my pillow.
I beat the bed and have a fit.
Then I usually laugh at how ridiculous I am, give myself a hug
and go back to my child with a smile.
I allow myself the humanity of being angry
and strive for the wisdom to do it away from my kids when I can.
The Power of Forgiveness
5) Finally a sort of a continuation of #1 – forgive yourself every day.
If you forgive every day you can start the next day fresh and ready a new set of challenges.
When we carry guilt and pain from the previous day
it can weigh us down and make it harder to be who we want to be in the moment.
I struggle with this one.
It takes me some work to forgive myself when I feel like I’ve done something to hurt my child.
I know that is one of the reasons many people don’t want to face their parenting mistakes.
It hurts us deeply to admit we’ve hurt them.
To Summarize
1) Love Yourself
2) Review The Day – Analyze Yourself
3) Heal Yourself
4) Run When You Can
5) Forgive Yourself
It’s hard work, but it will be worth it
when you look back on your journey 18 years from now.
