Sometimes I Get a Little Down
I admit that I get a little down at times when I think of how many people believe that spanking, punishment and control are effective and acceptable ways to raise (treat) kids. I am often sad that there are still so many people who think that fear and intimidation are the best ways to teach respect and good behaviour.
I think this sadness is good because it motivates me to share this message of Conscious Parenting with as many people as I can. I am glad to be pondering this as I get ready to teach 2 parenting workshops in the next 3 weeks.
Punishment is Not Necessary
I have never even punished my child. She is now 18 and is very respectful, kind, loving and wise. She is also very strong and can handle herself in a conflict. She did not need me yelling at her or punishing her, let alone hitting her, for her to learn this.
She is strong because she loves herself and knows she deserves respect.
She is kind because she understands and FEELS that it is better
to make others feel good rather than feel bad.
She makes her choices out of love instead of fear.
There is no way to teach someone to want to make others feel good
by making them feel bad.
Punishment always teaches the opposite!
Fear is a Weak Motivation
To do something good, kind, even polite
because we fear the consequence of not doing it
is a weak and surface level good.
To do these things because we know, from the inside out,
that they are the right thing to do, this is a deep level good.
And why would you want to aim for anything else with your child?
Imagine someone who would do good, even knowing that they would suffer no punishment for not doing so!
That is how to raise a good person, not a person who just acts good.
Fear and Pain Can Never Motivate Love and Kindness.
Nor can they motivate real strength.
They can only create the surface level appearance of those things.
And that never lasts.
Real respect and real goodness can only be inspired in an atmosphere of
Love, acceptance and freedom.
To this day I do things unconsciously out of fear of rejection. Just reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes, because I now know that only love brings love, only respect is returned with respect. Fear just produces artificial reaction to past ‘training’ with punishment and fear. It is a great battle but we can over come. I am still fighting it and have come a long way. 🙂
The other part of time out is we are also teaching a child that being alone is a bad thing, that it is a punishment. And being alone means you have to think about how bad the you have been. And that is one of the main reasons why people who live alone feel it is a punishment. A punishment for their past indiscretion, and that no body loves them. Which has created the deadliest of diseases – LONELINESS.