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Tortured by My Past

little vivek aLittle Vivek is tortured by his past, aching from his wounds, crying out for love and acceptance.

He wants to know he is worthy and valuable, wanted and safe.
He wants to know there is someone he can rely on.
Yet his experiences denied all of this to him!
His environment taught him very quickly that he was not worthy of these things.

Part of my work must be to give these things to him now.
To be his source of love, validation, worth and safety.
To become a person he can rely on unconditionally!

Unfortunately I am not such a person… Yet!

I actually continue to add to his pain and feelings of mistrust.
These are the mental and emotional habit patterns that arise from my inner wounds.
I dwell on unhealthy things, arguments, lack, loneliness, and injustice.
I attack myself daily!

How can that innocent, sweet, kind and playful child feel safe in my chaotic and harsh inner landscape?

To be little Vivek’s ally I must work at creating an ideal environment for him to flourish.
There is much healing and forgiveness to be done!

As I go through this process it can only serve to make me a better man, a better son, a better friend and most importantly a better father.

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