I want to be free with my emotions.
I want to accept how I feel as natural and beautiful.
I don’t want to force my emotions to fit inside some little box.
A external matrix of what seems right and appropriate to society.
I don’t know where my feelings are supposed to lead. If I try and force them to look like what I’ve been led to believe is acceptable then I’ll never hear the true inner voice of my desires ringing out. I will be cut off from my heart.
This is the problem with telling kids what is right and what is wrong. When they learn that from the outside they don’t get to feel the FEELING of what is right and the FEELING of what is wrong on the inside.
That feeling is our true ethical compass.
It is what guides us moment by moment.
It is not laws and punishments that keeps Society
from everybody killing each other!
It is that inner sense.
I mean every single time I go into the Walmart
(don’t judge me!)
I could steal a candy for the ride home.
I never do.
I don’t care about Walmart.
I also don’t go around stealing.
Usually doesn’t feel good.
It’s my inner sense.
And yet when I look deep and honest inside, I can feel how much I let the recipe of society control my perception. Instead of relying upon my inner sense.
I’ve been told what’s right and wrong since I was born. I’m only now untangling that knot and hearing my own Voice more clearly again.
This is why it makes the most sense to me to focus my parenting efforts on developing that sense. And that sense means helping her always to turn inward and feel what is true for her.
This can be wildly inconvenient at times.
Impossible at other times.
With practice it can become the norm.
Think of your house as a laboratory.
Your kid(s) are scientists experimenting.
They have to discover what is right and wrong in their hearts.
To find and develop deep trust in their compass.
You are simply their research assistant.
When you look through this lens everything changes.
You simply cannot force behaviour from the external anymore.
Of course sometimes we have to strap a screaming toddler into a car seat.
I am not ignoring the realities of life.
I am saying that in 90% of our interactions
with our kids we can be in the lab together.
The wonderful benefit for me as a parent is
I get to know, love and accept myself more
as I inspire my daughter to know, love and accept herself.