Listening is a Vital Element
In any relationship, friends, romantic,
family and parent-child relationships
listening is a vital element.
I have written about listening a few times before because of how important it is.
Today I realized something else about listening that I want to share.
I Reject What You Are Saying Because It Triggers Me
I have been thinking that when another person expresses something
that is difficult for me to hear or pushes buttons
I might have a tendency to reject what they are telling me.
I might want to distance myself from it
so that I do not have to deal with the feelings that are coming up for me.
The problem is where we have some kind of trusting relationship with a person,
when we share something with them we are exposing a part of our very selves.
When I share something important to me
I am opening my heart and soul to the other person.
I Am Rejecting Their Heart And Soul
So when I am receiving something that makes me uncomfortable
it is important for me to remember that they are exposing a part of
their heart and soul to me in that moment.
If I push away what they are sharing with me
then I am rejecting their heart and soul.
If I do not at least acknowledge their point of view
then I am telling them that they are not important enough to me for me to do so.
Put Yourself Aside
This is one of the reasons that communication is so tricky
because in order for me to listen to and acknowledge the other person effectively
I have to put myself out of the picture at least for a long enough
to hear them and receive them.
It doesn’t mean I have to agree with them,
but it does mean I have to accept that
their point of view is valid for them in that moment.
If I don’t do that why would they want to continue communicating with me?
If they do they are certainly settling for communicating with someone
who does not have their best interests at heart.
Feeling Heard Makes Us More Open To Listening To Another
Once I have expressed my acknowledgement of their perspective
then I have the opportunity to share my own.
At that point it is my turn to expose my heart and soul to the other.
I believe that once I have made the other person feel heard
they will be more receptive to hearing what I have to share also.
Hopefully the other person will be willing to receive me in the same way.
The Wonderful Cycle of Positive Communication
If both people are able to move back and forth between these two states
of open receiving and honest sharing,
beautiful communication can take place.
Understanding can develop,
healing can occur and
This kind of communication is better than SEX!
(or at least equal to it)
It is so fulfilling and uplifting.
It can also be quite rare.
It is something I personally strive towards in my relationships.
It is often a lot of work to achieve,
and requires both people being on board,
but the results are most definitely worth the effort.