At the moment I am in Poughkeepsie New York.
I am attending a martial arts seminar with my teacher Kacem Zoughari.
He is one of the best martial artists in the world.
I first met him in 2006 and my life has never been the same.
In fact I learned more from him in the first year I met him then I did in the previous 20!
I see him approximately two or three times a year, sometimes less.
I learn many things from him in these brief visits and then I must spend the intervening months practicing what I learned.
I also get very nervous in advance of seeing him.
I am usually quite terrified but I will not have practiced enough and he will be disappointed in my movement.
This time in particular I have put myself through a lot of stress in anticipation of experiencing his disapproval.
Of course the reason I am going to him is not for his approval but my education.
And yet the fear persists.
Once I actually arrived here I have had the most wonderful weekend.
Kiss M has given me many corrections, but he’s being extremely nice to me and I have experience nothing but kindness and love from the man.
All of my fears were in my head and not directly reflective of reality.
Oh man how I torture myself!
It seems I do not really need anyone else to torture me,
I do a pretty good job of it all on my own.
As I am fond of saying
“The past tries to control us,
the future tries to scare us
Only in the present
do we have power and choice.”
Will I learn this lesson?
Or will I freak out again the next time I’m getting ready to see my teacher?
I’ll probably freak out!
Maybe I’ll put a reminder in my phone to read this post in early October a few weeks before the next seminar.
Sigh… Change is a slow and painful process.
At least I can laugh at myself.
It makes the journey a little easier.